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Communicating Effectively With Your Children

by Kia Imandel


It’s now 7:45 in the evening; it has been a long day and it is slowly coming to an end. You have shared many conversations back and forth with your children in the course of your day. Some, effective. Some, valuable and energetic. And others… well, let’s just say, not so effective.


"The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that is has taken place."
~George Bernard Shaw


As a parent, I know how challenging it can be to communicate and connect with children at times. Life is hard enough with all its ups and downs, twists and turns. But it doesn't have to be hard! Your children are just waiting for you to guide them to their happiness, be it with you, their peers, their teachers or their team members. They wake up each day to new experiences and challenges. They use their own knowledge, abilities and "perception" to work through them everyday. How would it be to know exactly how they perceive the world so that you can be right there behind them, with guidance and understanding? Can you imagine loving them the way they want to be loved?


Effective communication begins when we treat others NOT the way WE want to be treated, but the way THEY want to be treated. 


The Process Communication Model® (PCM) is a wonderful way to achieve this. It is a phenomenon, in my opinion. PCM is a tool that can help you transform into a powerful observer of human behavior and become more understanding of others and their downfalls. Most importantly, it can help you to better understand your child and his/her behaviors. 


"PCM is a comprehensive framework for transforming how we communicate with each other. It offers perspectives and strategies to honor individual differences, positively influence behavior, and empower individual gifts."
~Nate Regier
PCM Trainer


Process Communication provides a reliable and validated method of identifying and understanding personality structures, the impact of life events, and communication dynamics. Based on a scientific award–winning clinical discovery by Taibi Kahler Ph.D. in the early 1960s, Process Communication has been researched for over thirty years and experienced by almost a million people on five continents in such applications as sales, business, education, politics, religion, medicine, parenting and personal relationships.


Parents say they learned a lot about their own children through PCM, specifically, how to talk to each of them in a different way


Dr. Kahler observed that there was a process involved in verbal communication: identifiable sequences by which people interacted with one another. These included specific speech patterns that were associated with both positive and negative interactions, all sequential, measurable and predictable. He found that by listening for these patterns, interactions could be identified, objectively, literally second-by-second, as being either productive (communication) or non-productive (miscommunication).

Through PCM, Dr. Kahler has identified six different personality types based on each individual's perception of the world.  In other words, how we take in and process information. He found that each person prefers to communicate in different ways depending on his or her personality type. In order to communicate effectively then, Kahler suggests that we learn to "speak" the "languages" that other people prefer.


“I use PCM everyday in my classroom. It helps me speak all the wonderful and unique languages of my students. I also find it helps me to see and understand each child’s needs – who would benefit in that moment from a hug, a high five, more direction, or just some space to be alone.”
~Stacey Porterfield, MUSE School
K-1 PCM trained teacher


We all perceive the world differently…

According to Dr. Kahler, each and every one of us is born with our very own preferred perceptual filter that we carry with us, from birth through life.

The following are the six perceptions that Dr. Kahler has identified (along with each perception’s North American population percentage):

Feelings (30%)
Thoughts (25%)
Opinions (10%)
Reactions (20%)
Actions (5%)
Inactions (10%)

The Six Kahler Personality Types (Perceptions)[1]


[1] Excerpts from “Here’s How To Reach Me” by Judith A. Pauley, Dianne F. Bradley and Joseph F. Pauley  

The beauty of PCM and the awareness it represents, is that we are all born with one "base" perception, but we each carry bits and pieces of every single perception in different values and in different orders throughout our lives. Not one of these is better than the other in any shape or form. And with the right training we can learn when, where, and how to use them in order to have effective communication with another person. 

PCM allows you to get to know your children and help lead them in a positive direction. It helps create an ever-lasting bond between you and your children, and a newfound respect for each other’s point of view.  It will bring peace and harmony to your home. It’s fun and powerful! And it works!!! 

Life is about evolving... use the resources available out there. There are many; PCM is one of them. Now go communicate!


"Process Communication is a framework for appreciating, respecting, and developing the uniqueness and dignity of others, because it allows you to be exactly who you are, it gives you ways to differentiate yourself"
~Suzy Amis Cameron
PCM trained parent


**Next Element is offering Bamboo readers a 20% discount on all open-enrollement PCM trainings. Please contact for more information.**

Kia Imandel is an enthusiast who is committed to creating communities of integrity, contribution, and wisdom that transform life and leave a legacy of love for future generations. With a background in early childhood development and various life-changing workshops, Kia is dedicated to helping people find their authentic self and live their true purpose. She has found herself in the role of a leader, trainer, and a salesperson for most of her life, with a passion towards positive thinking and optimism. She leads her life full of love and excitement ... and it is her goal to share this with the universe! Contact Kia: or (818)448-5114. 

Reader Comments (1)

Thank you for your great article Kia! I am inspired!!
Jul 12, 2012 at 7:09 AM | Unregistered CommenterMichele

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